The River Run!

22 Oct 2013

21 entries, 20 made it to the start line in the Blue Ball in Grantchester, the finish line of the St Radegund on Kings Street. Adorned with a luminous running number and a list of ten pubs in travelling salesman order each with a half pint awaiting them the competitors set off.

  1. The Blue Ball
  2. The Green Man
  3. The Red Bull
  4. The Mill
  5. The Pickerel
  6. The Maypole
  7. The Haymakers
  8. The Hopbine
  9. The Champion of the Thames
  10. The St Radegund

Two hashers took that alternative longer route, travelling straight from The Mill to the Haymakers, coming back via the Pickerel/Maypole. Polygobbler – the fastest woman and therefore overall winner travelled straight from the Pickerel to the Haymakers and back via the Maypole. Timing to the nearest half minute by Crabbo.

  1. 40:30 Jack
  2. 41:50 Satan
  3. 42:30 Brian
  4. 43:30 Something Fishy
  5. 44:00 Ginger Bin Laden
  6. 46:00 Cum for Lunch*
  7. 48:30 Dull Date
  8. 54:00 Kneel Bastard
  9. 59:00 Wedawwow
  10. 62:30 Polygobbler (first female)
  11. 64:00 Erica (first lady and second female)
  12. 64:30 Kit Off (third female)
  13. 66:30 Ollie
  14. 68:00 On Heat (fourth female)
  15. 68:30 ButtLicker (fifth female)
  16. 70:30 Beer Gnome
  17. 70:30 Running4Joe
  18. 78:00 Regrope
  19. 80:00 Welcome Mat
  20. ? Judge Judy (we were all too pissed to write the time down)

An honourable mention goes to Erica who cruised into the finish looking like she’d had a lovely jog and could do with a nice refreshing pint. Beer Gnome set a new personal worst on the final half pint before lying on the ground wishing he could do the much easier Spartan Race again. The male winner – Jack – rated it as much harder than the Chunder Mile. Cum for Lunch had every half pint out of old running shoes that had been auctioned off in aid of the Childrens society. She’s disqualified from the competition due to wearing most of the beer, but gets to keep the scarf.


Shoe auction proceeds : £88.08
Entry fees : £420
Gift Aid : £70
Total : £508.08 + £70.00 gift aid

Expenses :
20 scarves : £70 (donated by the GM)
Iron on transfers : £8.67 (donated by the GM)
Stationary : £7 (donated by the GM)
Beer : £0 (donated by all the pubs)
Total : £0

Total raised for the childrens society : £508.08 + £70.00 gift aid

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Tales from the Rad

21 Apr 2012

<< A classic example of one of our drinkers with a running problem. When you’re in the Rad, forget your running shoes and get a beer like Butlins.

The Rad is a place to relax amongst friends, and the most skilled hasher is relaxed enough to even doze through high-pitched GM chatter. Fortunately the Rad is a phone-free pub so you’re not in danger of having your photo taken.

Um Minceton, is that a HALF pint?



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SOS: This Cantab hasher is called to England for some urgent retraining. Please present yourself on a Monday night for some beer as soon as possible.

Now, can someone please send me some photos of hashers drinking beer? THIS IS NOT A RUNNING CLUB!

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So, there was some controversy in the Rad in mid March when a cup bearing the words ‘fastest team’ emerged on a Monday night. The GM was not present but, in response to a number of slanderous and hurtful accusations about competitive running, has pieced together the true story: Jeremy was  exercising his beer arms with the ever patient Lovely Pear one day when he stumbled across a bunch of others who hadn’t quite got the technique.

Other hashers joined to help but a problem soon emerged: there was no beer in the fens.  The horror of the situation was apparent and they did what they could to speed pubwards -  clearly only wily Jellybean had the forward thinking to bring an en route solution.

Fortunately they did all make it in the end but once in the pub, they realised that they were missing a suitably large drinking vessel. Jeremy tried some sweet talking first, but obviously one of our loveliest harriettes had greater effect. Excitement at the prosect of beer ensued and the group were really pleased with their vessel and the amount of beer it can hold.

Many thanks are due to the gentleman in the Alaska hat whose identity is unknown but is held in great estime by the hash as he is a drinker with no running problem. We’re told that he turned up, drank beer and did no running. What an inspiration.


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Approaches to Cambridge Half preparation were varied. Gosia assembled a smart-looking not-at-all-broken team all wearing the same T-shirt (ok, she assembled a gaggle of hashers but the thought was there). Jeremy psyched out the opposition by practicing the course and pulling faces, Claire started her PB run from the back of the field (but then she does ski up hills, it’s basically the same thing), and Ed got technical. After all, the right way to approach a half marathon is to think through the food and beer afterwards,yes?





But in the end it all turned out fine. Nobody fell over, Butlins had fun safe in the knowledge that he is no longer responsible for such misbehaviour, Owen eventually got over his confusion (is it the ringroad run? a hash? the Whippet 5k? Do I stop for a beer in the Rad?), and Minceton showed that a true SCB can make up 8 mins 22 secs of being beaten by a woman with 3 mins of photoshop. Before long we were all enjoying a perfect sunny Colby after party and replenishing our beer levels.

Competing in a Half Marathon is bad behaviour. Don’t try it at home.

If you are struggling with Half Marathon and other inappropriate urges, we have a Hash Running Therapy group for drinkers with a severe running problem (LINK CONTAINS DANGEROUS RUNNING ENTHUSIASM – ONLY OPEN IF DESPERATE AND HAVE A BEER TO HAND)


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What can we say to a VERY naughty coverboy whose flowing curls, blue eyes, neeeeewwwwww ssshhhhhhoooooeeeessss and, well, that running thing disgraced publications around the world this week? Words won’t do it so we’ll borrow one of his own faces (one, incidentally that we’re fairly sure he gave the thief at some point).

There is no Messiah in the hash. There’s a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!

Link provided in case anyone actually wants to know what this is about.



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So the GM wanted to give Something Fishy his comeuppance for multiple counts of shameful athleticism but, not being able to reach, had to give him a comedownance instead. Hats off to Something Fishy for an admirable effort, not least given general reactions to the beer that night >>>

Meanwhile we said goodbye to Pinky – we don’t need much excuse for some fancy dress and posing.

And Perry couldn’t think of a joke. Unfortunately nor can the we – suggestions for a better caption welcome.

Nice trail Sara! Enjoyed by all who didn’t sleep instead…



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Lassie is obviously the only hasher with
the necessary retrieval skills to find
Spookybits’s sprouts on the trail.




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Master of Vice departed from the traditional beer stop plying us all with Pimms, Strawberries and cream. Congratulations on his three score and ten.
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Mufti reports that hashers left the following cheek prints at the beer stop. Anyone who can explain why the hasher on the right was sitting backwards may win a pint.
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